take my dreams away...
June 5th, 2006moving shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 06:23 PM on June 5, 2006 and posted a stickied post. yes, it's up and working - thanks to mayee. ...okay, so i'm thinking of permanently moving to blogspot, using this as just a place to dump my works (yeah, i do have them, unfortunately for you. haha). but oh well, we'll see. basta punta nalang kayo dun. okay? okay. cheers
June 8th, 2006boys and girls shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 06:52 PM on June 8, 2006. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“Well, thanks. At least – well, at least you’ve been honest.”
“Yep. I guess so.”
It’s been three years. Three years since that excruciating coffee table conversation I asked for. Yes, all my fault really, hadn’t I been so excited about this fairy tale ending we were supposed to have. He was perfect. Tall, dark, and handsome; smart, really witty, and fun to be with; and filthy rich. Oh yes, everything we, girls, could ever dream of.
We met through a common friend, I never actually thought we would – kind of – be together for a while. I mean, we’re from two different worlds – I was this simple, easy-going girl and he was this metrosexual who probably even buys more clothes than I do. He’s a man of few words actually, though he knew a lot. I wanted to know more of him but he pushes me away. Yes we were close, physically, but he rarely opened up. I told him everything, but it seems to me, he told me nothing much in return. It has always been that way – in fact, the guy I’m with right now, totally the same (not physically though, ha ha). I guess boys are just like that, there’s this boundary we can’t really cross with them – or is this just my luck with the male specie?
“I never wanted to commit. Who said we were going to?”
“But I thought…”
“You knew from the start that I wasn’t here for the boyfriend-girlfriend thing. That’s bullsh*t, you know that. I never wanted that. I thought YOU didn’t want that.”
“Well I didn’t… not until I found out that you loved me -- really.”
“You heard that from your friend didn’t you? I was drunk, okay, WE were drunk. We were supposed to be wasted that night, who knows what we could say.” “They say, when you’re drunk, you say or do things you don’t have the courage to do when you’re sober.”
“I don’t believe that. Who cares what they say - I was drunk. I’m not in love with you or anything. We’re just friends, friends who happen to be – well – very close.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
It’s been three years. Three years since that painful conversation I never asked for. She was perfect - we were perfect – why’d she have to screw things up? She knows I’m not into commitment – yeah, maybe what we had was unclear but we were happy. I can’t commit, I don’t need to commit. I was happy being her “friend” – you know, regular nights out, out of the blue movie dates, holding hands – what normal friends do… Okay, so maybe there were a few kisses here and there. But I thought we were contented with what we had. With what we were. At least we were free and nobody gets hurt – well, at first.
I really liked her, don’t get me wrong. I might have even loved her. But I never admitted that – even to myself. Damned pride. What if I told her how I really felt? Nah. That wouldn’t be me. I’d rather show it to her, but of course, it was never enough. She (or any girl for that matter) tends to want to know everything, to be sure of everything (yet be very fickle at the same time) – from the latest gossip to what I really felt. Some emo crap. They have this tendency to shoot all these questions in their head that need answers – a lot of them – and create dozens of scenarios and theories of the meaning of things that happen to them. What ifs, what could have beens – as unimportant as words are to me - that’s all they’ll ever be.
June 6th, 2006creep. shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 03:33 PM on June 6, 2006 and posted a favorite post. i swore i would sleep early tonight. but i just can't. something's keeping me awake. something's bugging me, hiding at the back of my mind yet now slyly crawling into my heart.oh yes, it's you. i thought i was able to leave you behind months ago, finding someone new who turned out to be no better than you. the same asshole you are. i went through alot because of you: depression, insecurity, desperation. you were everything i was looking for. you were perfect - as they all said. as we all saw... until that night. that night i found out more about you - i found out about her. she was my friend - a very close one at that. i never knew what you saw in her that you never saw in me. we were practically alike. i remember what a friend once said: "pare, time lang talaga. time." well, if that's the case, i guess we just won't work out - we're simply not meant to be. and that's why we're not together now and the next time we talked since that night you're still asking me about her. now my cellphone won't turn on - battery, i suppose. it's been years and it's been overused. i guess that time will come for me too. the time when my heart won't turn on - all worn out and overused. ... she doesn't care about you. you know that. i know. why can't you forget about her? why don't you go look for someone else? someone who cares, at least. i can't. why? if i do that, you know, look for someone else? i know exactly who i'm going to find. i know exactly what's going to happen next - and it's going to be an even bigger problem. ? i'm going to find you. and i'm going to fall in love with you badly because i'm going to think that you're my saving grace - and that's all wrong. that can't be. why not? how sure are you that it's not going to work and that i don't care for you at all? what's so wrong with me? there is NOTHING wrong with you. you're perfect. what's wrong is everything around us. we're in the wrong place in the wrong time. you're her friend. it's not right. i'm sorry. you... you just made it all worse. ... look at me, my depth perception must be off again 'cos this hurts deeper than i thought it did. it has not healed with time, it just shot down my spine. //rest in pieces.saliva
June 2nd, 2006shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 04:39 PM on June 2, 2006. wednesday, may 31, 2006. mayee and i met up at sinangag express at a little past 11 to eat and then go to UP afterwards to get our math grade. well, guess what happened? 12:30pm. "manood kaya tayong sine. maaga pa naman eh, asa ka pa kay wemer na maaga yun 'no." 3pm. "nagmahal na sa starbucks!" ... "tinatamad ako pumuntang up..." 4pm. "darating pa ba yun? wala pa din daw eh!" 5pm. "uwi na tayo. pero bili muna tayong pagkain." 6:15pm. "ayoko niyang crystal case!" 6:30pm. "ang traffic naman dito sa makati." 7:10pm. ... well, nasa bf na kami niyan, sa wakas, nakarating din sa bahay. nalaman naming pinost din pala ni sir ang grades at parang nasayang na naman ang pamasahe namin dun. pero ok lang, nag-enjoy naman kami sa kakaikot at "malling" sa makati. o 'di ba, sossy - although na-exhaust kami dun. pagod. june 1, 2006. drove till southville and then rode a trike to gia's place. we watched 3 dvds: scary movie 4 ayun. tapooooooooos. syempre nagbonding na naman kami ni gia. at syempre 'di pwedeng lumabas dito yung mga pinag-usapan namin kasiiii... well, hahaha. pasukan na naman - jusko kakatapos lang ng summer eh... enrolment sa 6 at kailangan ko na ng pe!
i realized that i want something. i don't know what but i just want something to happen or something to come - whatever. basta may something na kulang. HA HA. ewan. pesteng mood swings.
...gusto ko na malaman grade ko sa math! edit: created a blog at blogspot. http://joellei.blogspot.com. coolness! pero wala pang laman. hehe.
feeling: bleak May 30th, 2006fallen over shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 10:26 PM on May 30, 2006. yep, i have. as expected, due to my blissful mood and uncontrollable laughter yesterday, i am now experiencing extreme apathy, emptiness, disgust over some ass and a bit of depression - in short, EMO. emo sucks. we all know that. save me. feeling: emo |
fellow dreamers links
me.
gallery.
past entries.
works.
favorites.
more friends.
friends of.
more links.
|
check out my 
