the infamous first entry...

shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 05:17 PM on March 26, 2004.

can't think of a better title... so I start writing a blog. interesting... i don't really know what i should or should not put here. argh, i am not at all inspired to write today, i feel the life has been sucked out of me. i suddenly feel empty and drenched and jaded.

perhaps i should just write again later.

what a boring, corny, tiresome first entry.

hearing: swept away by paolo santos
reading: almost married by tara sering
feeling: blank

2 critiqued.

the death of my paper bag boyfriend

shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 08:09 PM on March 26, 2004.

Very disturbing i agree. My so-called boyfriend [i fantasize over this guy - what a hunk] who is an image model for GQ [okay... dream on...] has died. He has been torn, shredded into tiny little pieces [oa]. Okay, so i'm getting overly dramatic here. But that guy on that paper bag was really hot... okay enough of this daydreaming and fantasizing over some paper bag model... it's getting too disturbing.

hearing: without you by paolo santos
feeling: frustrated

1 critiqued.

So near yet so far...

shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 11:19 AM on March 27, 2004 and posted a favorite post.

This is something I wrote ages ago... Just decided to put it here in my blog since it IS supposed to be an entry... only i didn't have a blog back then. [poor me.]

So near yet so far… so true. Nothing else best explains how it feels right now. I warn you though, before you read this, be sure you’re ready to wrack your brain in trying to understand this. After reading this, you might say this is just a waste of space, they could’ve just written about some guy who attempted to jump from a building… why am I trying my best to impress you anyway… you’re not going to learn to appreciate me anyhow. But let me just tell you something, just let me rant for a while and maybe then I could set you free already. I wish. I hope. I pray… because it hurts seeing you like this, just passing by, without a single glance. It hurts standing next to you, but not being able to tell you how I feel. It hurts to know that you might be in love with someone else right now. It hurts. Do you understand a single bit about what I’m saying? Probably not. Because you’re too busy talking to other girls to even notice me. There you are talking to that girl again, who is she again? Is she of any value? I’m sorry, I know that was well too rude but, honestly now, is she? I don’t know what you see in her, she doesn’t even like you, I know that, she’s in love with someone else. But are you aware of that? No. It seems senseless to me why you keep on following someone that would never ever love you back, when someone is here, still waiting for you… Hello, I’m here, are you aware of that? Well, you should be. After months of greeting you when we meet, you should well make my name glued to your head right now. Oh wait, right. You ignore me! Right! So how the hell should you remember me?

Funny how I daydream about you, even at school. Funny how I still dream about you every night. Funny how you always fill my head when thoughts are amiss. Funny how you always tend to be there when unexpected. Funny how my world revolves around one thing - you. It’s funny really. How I talk to you right now, telling you not to follow someone who would never ever notice you, because I myself am like that. Don’t you agree? I keep on falling for you deeper and deeper each day, whilst knowing you would never love me back. Yes, despite all this, I still love you. I guess I always will. I’ve tried all sorts of ways to forget you but still, you seem to find your way back to my heart. And that’s not fair, you know that. You’re really unfair. Why did I have to fall for you anyway? Why you, and not some other guy who may be well better looking than you? Why you, and not someone else who might even love me back? Tell me why. I’m in the verge of tears right now, but I know I shouldn’t cry. I’m not supposed to, am I? There’s definitely nothing to cry about right now, you’re fine, you’re happy, you’re perfect. Yes, perfect. The reason why I love and hate you so much right now. Oh, wait, lemme get a tissue… as the keyboard gets soaked from my tears, I still can’t help but think about you. This is supposed to be an outlet to drain you out of my mind, but apparently, it’s not working. You’re still here, in my mind, in my heart. This is so stupid, I know that, ‘cause even if I write how I feel right now, I know nothing will happen. It’s impossible. I know that. We’re impossible. We’re like, worlds apart. And I guess I’ll just have to face that, and live with this one sided love for the rest of time…

feeling: weird

2 critiqued.

getting overly sentimental

shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 04:24 PM on March 28, 2004.

i feel so down and lonely today. i feel so sentimental. leche...

i can't stop thinking about HIM. i was staring blankly at his picture a while ago, sarap titigan eh... sana akin na lang siya... he's the guy i've always been looking for, the problem is, i think he's not yet ready for stuff like this. and i think he only sees me as friend. leche talaga... hope we'd be able to talk today... i really miss him. i wanna stare into those beautiful eyes of his and tell him how much i like him... [read: i said 'LIKE' meaning i'm still not sure of what i'm feeling...]

i don't know if i love him already... and i really don't approve of me falling for him. he's a friend. it's so wrong to fall in love with a friend right? it's against every rule of friendship. i'd be committing the gravest sin against the both of us... but then i can't stop myself from falling for him... i'm slowly falling deeper and deeper for him as each day passes... his smile, his eyes, the way he talks, the way he playfully teases me... every little thing about him makes me go weak in the knees.

ewan ko ba, here i go again, i'd be so low this minute tapos maya-maya i'd just forget about him... hopefully not... i want this feeling to last for a change. because it's nice, this feeling. this feeling of happiness and content just thinking about him and maybe how we could get together... aah... daydreams. reveries that are not likely to come true... but you know what, just a fact, he's one of the persons that can actually make me smile. ung totoong ngiti... a real, genuine smile. and i think that's great... he makes me happy... maybe that's enough for now...

hearing: valentine by martina mcbride
feeling: sentimental

3 critiqued.

boys...

shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 09:14 PM on March 28, 2004.

another thing i wrote before that i decided to put here... no offense guys. matuwa kayo kayo ang paksa dito...

Boys? They suck. They’re reeeaaaaaaally weird. I mean, one minute he’s so sweet and everything, the next thing you know, he’s ignoring you. I don’t get it. That’s why sometimes it’s so tempting to make the first move. Be aggressive. Ditch the ‘hard to get’ image. Very tempting. And I’ve been overcome by temptation loads of times. The result? Nothing. You send him text messages, quotes to be more specific, his reply? Nothing. As if you didn’t send anything. Sana naman magreply siya no, kahit smiley face lang. Grrr… they never cease to anger me. Why do they always have to leave us hanging? And THEY say we leave them hanging. Yeah right. Kayo nga yung magulo eh. We HAVE the right to leave you hanging, we’re girls! Agree? Of course we can’t just tell you how we feel right away! We can’t tell you how you make us feel when we ourselves don’t know if you’re real… because the irritating fact about boys is that… sometimes… they’re TOO good.

When they’re really nice to you, you wouldn’t know if they do that because they like you or they’re just like that. They have this innate sense of sweetness that will sweep you off your feet. The way they say “hi”, the way they look you straight into the eyes when you talk, the way they compliment you, the way they get your things from you when you’re carrying too much, the way they playfully tease you, the way they show their concern… the way he says “bye, ingat lagi.” to you when you are going home, the way he says “goodnight, sweet dreams!ü” before you go to sleep. Simple things that make you feel special and of course kilig. Simple things that make you want to know how it feels to be his girl… simple things that make you fall for him – not knowing whether he’s just toying with you or if he’s really true to you.

Love is a game. You go into it without knowing what is going to happen. It is an adventure into the unknown. You don’t know what’s in store for you. Sinusugal mo’ng sarili mo. You don’t know whether you’re gonna win or lose in this game. Kasi ‘di mo naman alam kung mamahalin ka rin nung mahal mo eh. Pero wala ka nang magagawa… once you’ve fallen into the deep sea of love, there’s no way of swimming out. Because you can’t control how you feel… the more you suppress your feelings, the more it gets stronger… so what’s the use of trying to deny this feeling? I don’t know… maybe it’s just that it’s really hard to fall for someone whom you know has no feelings for you. Maybe it’s just hard to be left hanging. Mahirap lang talagang umasa sa wala. But oh well, all’s done is done. As I said, you can’t do anything once you’ve been struck by Cupid, you can’t stop this feeling now that it’s in you… maybe it’ll pass. Or maybe it’ll get stronger. Or better yet, maybe you’ve finally found ‘THE ONE’ and you’ll end up happily ever after with him. How I wish the latter will come true…

You must be laughing now, thinking who am I to rant about something I’m not so sure about. Well… it’s just that I need to get this out of me… and I know a lot will be able to relate to this… I know many are experiencing this right now… the joys and pains of love… Anyway everything I’ve written here are all true and all from experience. Agree? *SIGH* Boys. They suck.

hearing: ang pag-ibig kong ito by moonstar88
reading: ang paboritong libro ni hudas by bob ong
feeling: lonely

3 critiqued.

waiting for my grim reaper to come...

shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 08:25 PM on March 29, 2004.

Okay, so that’s a bit exaggerated no? the thing is, I’m going to get a hair cut tomorrow, my long silky black hair is going to be cut just like that… I’m dreading every single minute that passes by since it draws me nearer to the time when I’ll sit at that dreaded chair waiting for my hairdresser to cut away…!

Actually, it’s totally fine with me, really. Since it’s summer na naman and it’s really hot, so it would be better if I’d cut my hair – the hair I’ve waited to grow this long. Well not really, I’m just really too tired to go to the hairdresser and I don’t wanna change my hairstyle in the duration of the schoolyear.

You know what? This sucks. I have already written a nice, witty and funny entry a while ago but before I knew it, my computer gave up on me. Lecheng illegal operation yan. All my happy thoughts were immediately erased and replaced with sarcastic and angst-filled remarks. like pu*+@&u!@)&#@^&#*!*&#@!&@*&!!!!!... oh never mind. let me just continue what i was talking about a while ago, something totally out of bounds with my hair. love.

see? sobrang layo no? but oh well, lagi namang nauuwi sa ganito - when you're someone like me. hehehehe... not that love is the sole thing on my mind - no way! it's just that there's this guy who totally makes me feel senti lagi. [cue: background music starts to play... preferably a piano version of some old love song like got to believe or something...] ayan, got to believe, speaking of, i watched it a while ago on cinema 1. great. i'm on my way to being the next kabaduyan queen. not that i didn't like the movie, it was actually great and tear inducing. [okay, so medyo oa...] but still, i enjoyed it, it was quite amusing too, di ko lang talaga matanggap na tinalo ko yun. biruin niyo... tapos kanina, i was listening to some old love songs na sooooooooobrang baduy na di na tamang pinapakinggan ng tao. [okay, oa uli...] tulad ng: king and queen of hearts, it might be you, fallin, forevermore, at iba pa. di natin maipagkakailang baduy ang mga nasabing kanta pero di mo na rin mapipigil na mapakanta at mapasabay sa mga classic na ito. baduy nga, pero maganda naman diba? maganda ang mensahe nito, masarap mainlove. [utot!] ibang klaseng mensahe no? iilan na lang ata ang mga kantang may ganyang mensahe.... hehehehehehahehehehehheehheahhaahhaa... grabe no!
basta wala lang... i just feel so corny and baduy today... can't help but feel sentimental... hmmm... alot of thoughts have been occupying my head lately, some are: 'what if naging kami nga?' or 'what if nagkatuluyan kami and we lived happily ever after?'... what if what if... ulol! hay nako, napansin niyo bang kanina ko pa sinasabing di ko sinasabing baduy ang mga nasabing kanta at pelikula kanina at may pagkaokey din naman ang mga ito? [teka, di ko ata naintindihan un ah...] take two: sbi ko, napansin niyo bang kanina ko pa sinasalungat ang sinabi kong 'di ko sinasabing baduy ang mga ito at may pagkaokey din naman ang mga ito'? tsktsktsk... di kaya'y nagugustuhan ko na rin ang mga ito?!?!?!! next thing you know, i'll be listening to aiza seguerra's new single: 'dumating na ang panahon'. ack. no! this can't be... ito ay mga sintomas ng lo... pag... ---.... KABADUYAN!!! wala na... unti unti ko nang sinusundan ang mga yapak ng aming mga katulong sa bahay... [oh Lord, do not lead me unto that path... ] no offense sa mga katulong, pero... kasi diba... minsan nga nakikinood na rin ako sa kanilang manood ng mga telenovela sa tv... mga soap opera sa samu't saring channel sa ating lokal na telebisyon, isama na rin natin ang mga foreign channel na kahit di ko naiintindihan ay nakatutuwa rin namang panuorin kung paano nagcocontract ang mukha ng koreanang babaeng galit na galit sa asawa niya na mukhang bumili lang ng suka kay Aling Nena - na nagmimistulang kabit niya [sabi ng asawa niyang nagbibintang. kunwari naintindihan ko].

sa sobrang kabaduyang ito, naisip kong siguro'y nararapat na nga ring sunduin na ko ni kamatayan, di na ito tama eh... so the title isn't so inappropriate after all... i guess i'll just be waiting for my grim reaper to arrive any minute now...

hearing: got to believe in magic...!
feeling: funny and sarcastic

critique?

more of today's telenovelas

shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 10:46 PM on March 30, 2004.

ack. i cannot believe i am to write about telenovelas. see i told you, i am slowly walking unto the path of kabaduyan... it's just that, i find some stuff really funny. read on if you are someone totally against soap operas... not in a bad way - just.. ah ewan, basta bahala nalang kayo kung babasahin niyo.

una, bakit kinakailangang tawagin ang matandang babae sa kanyang mga inisyal? masyado ba talagang mahaba ang pangalan niya? ewan ko lang ah, di ko kasi talaga alam ang ibig sabihin ng 'D.V.V.'. ang pinagtataka ko lang ay paano nakakayanan ng mga artista sa naturang sabon.. este soap na sabihin ang mga katagang yon sa isang napakaseryoso at makataong paraan. kung ako yon ay malamang natawa na ko nang pagkalakas lakas. D.V.V.?!?!?!?!?!?! ano yon, pa-cool? pag ba tinawag ka sa mga inisyal mo ay cool ka? ano yon, bagets epek? o sadyang gusto lang talaga nilang mang-asar at patunayan sa mga tao na mahusay sila umarte - kasi nga nakakayanan nilang masabi ang mga kahindik-hindik na katagang iyon sa isang makatotohanan at seryosong paraan - na parang ang pagtawag sa isang tao sa kanyang inisyal ay normal lang at cool. kasi diba, 'donya' ung letrang d don, kaya parang weird. kung cguro sa ibang tao nalang tinawag yon, kung kay maryann, diba, m.a.? parang mas tama naman siya kumpara sa d.v.v. pero di ko rin naman sinasabing okey ang m.a. kasi parang weirdo - parang may ibang ibig sabihin - maternal advocate? [huh?] ewan ko... basta. bat naman kasi kailangang tawaging d.v.v.?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! aaaaaaah!

pangalawa, paano nakakayanan ng mga artista tulad nila claudine barreto na mag-iyakan at mamroblema tungkol sa mga katuwa-tuwang mga problema na nakasoot ng pekeng buntot?!?!?! no offense. wala lang. natawa lang ako kanina. kasi ung dilemma nila eh pano daw makukuha ung pusod ba yon... eh tao lang ang pwedeng makahawak. okey wala lang... sige na, stone me to death. sorry. i just find it weird. bat naman kasi inimbento pa ung marina? [para daw magkaron ng kakaibang istorya naman, iba sa mga cliched at gasgas na gasgas nang mga labstory.] hmm.. sige na, tanggapin ko nalang na fantasy series talaga yon at they are really supposed to have weird dilemmas like that. enough said. baka ipapatay pa ko ng abs-cbn.

ngayon ko lang narealize na masakit din pala sa matang magbasa ng puting sulat sa itim na background. binasa ko kasi kanina ang mga nauna ko nang mga entry dito. pero oh well, di ko pa rin naman balak baguhin sapagkat ito ay 'astig'. hahahaha... biro lang. trip ko lang talaga.

i have no idea why i put 'jubilant' the box below. dun sa current mood. wala lang. i just found the word nice. word of the day. hahaha... oh and i just realized i have already been online and ranting for almost an hour now. ack. grabe. oh well. sige, sign out na muna me [yuck!!!! 'ME'?!?!?!?!?! kadire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahhahaha... nang-aasar lang ako kaya ko ginamit ung 'me'... pero normally i should have used the word 'ako'... kadire yon ah. walalang. sige. perhaps i'll just rant about these words tomorrow no?] leche...

hearing: sleep all day - jason mraz
feeling: jubilant ^-^

critique?

ang pagiging konyo. *bow*

shinomori_misao8 opened her eyes at 09:05 PM on March 31, 2004.

magandang araw po - o gabi man, ano man ang mas tama sa oras ng inyong pagbabasa. ngayon po ay magdadadada na naman ako ukol sa isa na namang bagay na higit na napapanahon at importante - ang pagiging konyo. [babala - wag basahin kung isa kang ganito.]

Marahil ay marami ang nagtataka, bakit naman ang pagiging konyo ang titirahin nitong babaeng ito? hmm... bakit nga ba? wala lang. gusto ko lang tuparin ang pangako ko [tignan ang naunang entry] na pagdiskitahan ang bagay na ito. hmm, masama nga ba ito? napakalaking salik na nga ba nito at kaya ko ito pinagdidiskitahan? hindi naman talaga, medyo lang.

ang masama kasi dito, nagiging sagabal na rin ito sa pag-unlad ng ating pambansang wika. sapagkat, sa halip na paunlarin natin ang ating wika kapag hindi natin mahanap ang tumpak na salita para sa ating sasabihin, umuuwi at ginagamit nalang natin ang mga salita ng ating mga karatig bansa - mas partikular ang wikang ingles. pero hindi ko sinasabing masama ang paggamit ng wikang ingles bilang pampunan sa pagkukulang ng ating wika, sapagkat mahirap din naman talagang tagalugin ang mga salita katulad ng - internet, well, whatever, cute, consider, private message, at blog. iilan lamang yan sa mga salitang napakahirap talagang tagalugin. natatanggap naman ang mga yan, ang mga hindi katanggap-tanggap ay ang paggamit ng halong wikang ingles at filipino sa pagsasalita para lamang magpacute at sabihing sosyal ka. halimbawa nalang ang susunod na pag-uusap: [paalala:basahin ang mga susunod na dayalogo na may kasamang feelings at with matching fake american accent - yung tipong maarte talaga. pa-slang effect]

"grabe, you know what, i can't believe my papa is actually going to leave na, you know, like, you know, he's like, so kaka..."
"hainakew i understand you naman. you know, maybe you should just leave him nalang, you know, like dump him..."

nakakainis. wala lang. oo, itinataguyod nga ang sinasabing bilingualism, pero ito namang bilingualism ay ang pagiging matatas sa pagsasalita ng dalawang wika - iyon na nga ang wikang ingles at filipino. hindi ito nangangahulugang paghahaluin na natin ang dalawang wika - maipilit lang na marunong tayong mag-ingles at magtagalog at the same time. [hahaha... hindi niyo narin siguro maintindihan kung seryoso ba talaga ako sa sinasabi ko o ginogoyo ko lang kayo dahil wala akong mapagtripan.]

ang isa ko pang kinaiinisan ay ang paggamit ng 'me' at 'u' sa text. hinde, wala namang mali sa pagsasabi ng 'i lab u' o kaya 'text me ok?'. ang kinaiinisan ko lang ay iyong nagatatagalog ka pero iyan ang ginagamit mo. diba? ang 'me' naman ay kasing haba lang naman ng 'ako' diba? di nga lang kasing haba ng 'u' ang 'ikaw' pero... basta, tignan niyo kasi...

'hi! musta na u? u ok?'
'ya, m gr8. hehehe hw cme u txtd me n nmn? u lyk me no? jk=P'
'hehe... ac2ali, namimis n u kc eh! lonely na nga me hir eh...'
... matapos ang ilan pang pagpapalit ng mga walang kwentang pagpapacute na text...
'cge, an2k na me eh, usap nalang us nxt tym ok?'
'ok, an2k nrn nmn me e... gudnyt!ü'


wala lang. marahil ay gusto niyo na kong pagbabatuhin sapagkat ang arte arte ko naman, pati ito napagdiskitahan ko. pasensya nalang ho sa mga taong natamaan man, o dun sa mga taong nainis sa akin. pasensya na ho talaga. sana'y maintindihan niyo na me is just beri beri gaga talaga, alam u un? getz u ba? [hehehehehehe...]

peace tayo. patawad po sa inyong lahat, marahil ay nasayang ko pa ang oras ninyo sa pagbasa nito... at baka nainis pa kayo sa akin. patawad talaga. patawad.

feeling: cynical

5 critiqued.